Consent Forms Signed

As usual, I had platelets and red cells infusions; I don't even know how many transfusions I've had anymore.

Today, I also signed my consent papers to go through with the bone-marrow transplant. Dr. B walked us through the signing of consent papers, and the oncology nurse also discussed the expected side-effects of anti-thymocyte globulin (ATG), chemotherapy and full body radiation. It was a LOT to take and the information overwhelming.

The road looks tough. I think that reality is finally setting in, and there are times that fear takes over the better part of me. There's a lot of uncertainty, but life is full of uncertainties even to those who doesn't have to travel the same road I'm taking.

Just to give you an idea of BMT preparation, here's a list of what I went through for the past three days:

- lots of blood work
- bone marrow biopsy (don't like it)
- infusion of platelets and red cells
- scans (different types)
- pulmonary function test (this is my least favorite)
- echocardiogram (ultra-sound of the heart)
- EKG
- full body radiation simulation
- met my transplant doctor
- met the oncology nurse

Each day was long and exhausting.

Aside from all these medical tests, we also had to temporary house Dizzy, our cat, at a friend's house because pets are not allowed during the recovery period. We miss Dizzy so much :(.

The road to getting better will start on January 1st.

BMT Prep Tests Begin

It's 3:22 AM and I can't sleep.

Yesterday, my coworkers and I had our holiday lunch, and it really bothered me because I had to say goodbye to my immediate boss; she's going on vacation and my last day of work would be on the 23rd. I think what really scares me is the uncertainty of what lies ahead. There's no way of knowing what will happen next. My hope is to get cured, pick up where I left off and get on with my life but sometimes the "what ifs" get the better part of me.

The holidays approaching makes everything harder too. It's so hard to get into the Christmas spirit with the twice a week transfusions. People keep saying that I should try to look at the positive side, but I kid you not, it's easier said than done. I sometimes wonder how a rare disease chooses its victims. There's that person who smoked since he was 17 and doesn't get sick a day in his life, maybe a cold here and there but that's it. Here I am, I don't smoke or drink, yet I am in the sickest phase in my life. It's really UNFAIR.

Today, I will be spending much of my day at the hospital.  My husband and I will be attending a BMT class in the morning after my labs. Then there's the pulmonary function test and EKG in the afternoon. These are all test preparations for the BMT.

I am getting tired of these hospital trips.

It's now 3:52 AM and I'm still not sleepy.